I can’t forget what I went through today ….

This afternoon after having a delicious meal comprising of Chicken Tandoori and Chicken Biryani, the best you can imagine is a solid nap, but duty calls first and no napping or sleeping coz I am sure my nap would not be for a hour our so, it would have lasted from afternoon till night. So nothing doing, I decided to leave for Bhopal from indore which is close to a 3.5 hrs drive. Overfull with my stomach, this time I decided to drive not at Micheal schumacher’s pace but at Narayan Kartekeyen pace, a lot slower. So I start this drive at around 3pm from Indore.

I keep moving at a snail’s pace, with speeds of around 40-60 kmph, I am rarely into such small speeds, it is as if a cyclist would overtake me anytime. But the mind and the stomach are so very full that all the thought process is in vain. Driving at this pace I observe the beauty of the nature in more detail, since the road is full of greenary everywhere. At this small pace I see lush green lands, tall trees, few drizzles of rain, small squirells wandering, roads turning themselves, cattles feeding on the crops, farmers engrossed in the fields, and not to forget a special watch of a person attending the nature’s call ( don’t worry it was not that close … J)

After covering about half the journey, I decide to take a break but my body is not even permitting me to move, my body was behaving not less than a phtyon who had swallowed a big animal and it needed rest for months together, though acutally I had just swallowed a small little chicken. Time passed by and I had covered almost 3/4^th of the distance and now I had to move out of the highway and enter into a bypass road to reach my house in Bhopal. As I entered the bypass it was around 7.30pm and now I decided to speed up so that I could reach home early.

As I entered the bypass road, rain started pouring in heavily, and I could hardly see anything even in the fog lights. But still I tried to maintain a decent speed of around 80kmph so that I could get in fast. Already trying to reach home at the earliest, the least you can expect is a closed railway crossing, and the same happens. I need to cross the railway track and the barricades are on. And to my disguise I am the first person to be there, no vehicles ahead or behind me. I switch off my car and turn off the headlights and my sight disappears into something even blacker than the darkness. I immediately turn on the lights and start praying, and God listen’s to my prayers and I see a truck behind me and that gets me into the normal heart beat.

After about 5mins a goods carrier train crosses the track, I imagine why the goods train can’t wait and leave only when there are no people on the track. But then I realize that I am not the railway minister of India for a train to wait for me to cross the track and then leave itself. During this thought process the gates open and now since I have missed on time I decide to speed up higher.

The clouds which were almost bursting initially have now started weeping and it’s a light drizzle but still it affects visibility. I was cruzing now at a speed of almost 120 kmph,  when  there is a sudden “ Bang … “ and my car is into a big pothole which skipped my sight coz it was filled with water.  My speed is suddendly killed. As all car manufacturers say 0 to 120kmph in 5 sec, I set a new record 120kmph to 0kmph in less than a second. Can any car manufacturer do this  ???

Somehow I move my car out of the pothole and realize that the car is bending on one side. I pray that it should not be a puncture or else I am gone, and as I moved out to watch, my wicked sense had got it right and it was a puncture… Oh Godness Gracious, I screamed in despair  resembling the Daya Bhabhi scream in Tarak Mehta ka oltha chasma. I looked around, it was utter darkness all around, with rains pouring in and leave aside a puncture maker I could not even observe traces of human life around. Only I could hear was weird noises of animals in the dark, maybe the noise would be of mice, but it was not less than a lion roar for me at that point.

After seeing a lot of horror flicks, I could hardly imagine changing the tyre by myself and that too at that point. I boarded the car and started dragging the car at a speed of 10kmph, even at this speed the tyre was not able to move and somehow I tried to move so that I could atleast see someone on this dreadful alien land. After travelling for about 15 min at a speed of 10kmph. I saw Edison’s invention a house laden with a bulb. Positive vibes moved across my body and I decided to move faster. Faster from a speed of 10kmph to 15kmph. As I came near the bulb I observed a hoarding “ Deshi Daru Dukan ( Country Liquor Shop) “…. My mind now again started thinking like what if I go to the liquor shop and the drunkers take undue advantage of me and rob me coz I was with my luggage and a laptop. But then no other way buddy, and I decided to go into the shop and ask for help. I parked my car on the road and came near the shop. Any liquor shop which would normally be queued at any point of time and normally at nights, wore a deserted look this time. I moved ahead to see if anyone could be seen. I still moved ahead and was at the counter of the liquor shop, I peeped inside and no one was there. I started getting more scared. I immediately turned around to see if my car was there and it was there standing with an injured leg.

I looked around the shop but still no one could be observed.

I shouted “ Is anyone there, Is anyone there “…. still no response.

I started to wonder is it like this liquour shop is for the so called bhoots and then suddenly someone touches my shoulders. At that instance I was almost on the verge to pee and I turn around to see a “Big beard person, slim, dark and hardly visible in the rain and the darkness, and smelling of huge levels of country liquor.” “ Kya hua Sahab ( What happened Sir) …. “

Stammering I answer him “ My car is punctured, can I get help “

The person stares at me and says “ Sir, the puncture station is 2kms away”

I thank him and have the run of my life and run into the car, start it and drive away with sweat all over my body. All forms of evil thoughts motivated by the bollywood and the hollywood flicks start occuping my mind. Again at a speed of 10kmph after I have travelled for 10min, I now see a bunglow with a car parked outside and no one being seen there. The bunglow is illuminated with lights and is at a walking distance from the road. The bunglow stands in the middle of the dark fields and a muddy road. I stop there for an instance and think; should I go there to seek help, but then looking at the bunglow for a second, I realize that it satisfies all the conditions ideal for a horror flick. So then instead of slowing down I speed up and move ahead. The car at this point is making fancy noises which make me more and more scared.

Somehow after almost a period of 45min from the time the puncture happened and undergoing all these unexpected experiences I reach a puncture shop. I feel so happy, not less that when a thristy man sees a well of water. Half wet I march to the puncture stall and demand with pride to the guy there

 “ Bhaiya, puncture nikalo ( Dude, Please remove the puncture)“… as if I am the king of his state.

“ Sahab, tyre le ke aao.( Sir, Please get the tyre) “ …. “ 

I tell him “ Bhai, tyre to gaadi pe laga hai … ( The tyre is on the vehicle)“

And the next sentence sends shivers around me.

“ Sahab, tyre nikal ke dena padega … Barish mein hum tyre nahi nikalte ( Sir, you need to get the tyre... we dont remove the tyre in rains) “

I start to bargain with him and even offered him the price of a new tyre to only remove the existing tyre, but all in vain.

So finally I decide to remove the tyre myself. Rain finding me and pouring on me all  around. I open my dicci and try to first find the jack and then see if I have a stepney. Fortunaltely all exists at its place. So I place the jack below the car and try to lift the car. It had started raining heavily and I was totally wet and then I recollect that first I have to loosen the tyres before lifting the car. I try to loose the nut’s using my engineering skills but all in vain. I tried with my full strength but to no avail, and I concluded that I require the power of the great bhim to do this. finally losing hope I go again to the puncture guy to have his tips on this, I knew that I had to apply a good amount of torque , but bloody hell HOW ??

So then that puncture guy gives me a weapon, a hammer which he says would satisfy my purpose. Taking a deep breath and lifting the hammer I give a shot with all my might and strength and the nut moves… that moment was as if a person finds a police when surrounded by dacoits. Almost a few litres of rain already around me and still finding me and trying to melt me more, the rain gods showers on me higher and higher. Finally after a few minutes I remove the tyre and then ask the puncture guy to atleast pick the damaged tyre and repair it until I fit the stepney.

He comes running, and takes the tyre along with him. I somehow fit the stepney and realize that after extreme levels of hardwork and unexpected torture from all ends, I was able to do it. Cursing the tyre , the vehicle and my stars at that moment I travel to the puncture guy along with a Rs100 note, coz I believe that he would really charge me a hefty amount in this state of despair.

I approach him “ Kitna bada puncture tha, aur kitna paisa deneka ( How big was the puncture and how much to pay )“

The guy smiles back and says “ Sahab, aapka tyre tubeless hai. Puncture toh tha hi nahi. hawa nikal gayi thi bas … “( Sir, you have tubeless tyres. There was no puncture , only the air was out )“

To this I sit down and hold my head.

………. Sachin

It’s my Birthday !

I woke up at 7.30 in the morning, to realize that its my birthday and how come no phone calls yesterday night, its nothing else I could do but curse the Shit Reliance network and my bloody Nokia device, and then when I check my device I see a galore of messages greeting me on my birthday to realize that it’s really ‘THE’ day and some human beings on this earth still remember this slim, fair and handsome guy named 'Sachin'.

So then I get up and get ready for the day not to enjoy, but to get into a training session, for which, I had to travel yesterday via the these days dull Kingfisher Airlines, accompanied by the dangerously red dressed air hostessess, missing my dahihandi celebrations and more importantly my birthday celebrations. But that’s the way it is and I get into the breakfast table when the phone rings and no guesses its my friend calling me to wish me, before receiving I look at the watch and its 8.30am in the clock from which begins the saga of my birthday, it continues with calls every half an hour from each of my well wishers. For some calls I could not give justice, due to my training, but made it a point to call those people back in the tea breaks.

The evening is followed with a surprise cake cutting celebrations from my regular and beloved Lemon Tree hotel staff where I am staying on this day and it adds so much to my heart that I totally forget that I am somewhere away from my house or my social life.

This day as every birthday of mine gives me an additional share of wishes in the form of Calls, messages, emails, Facebook, Orkut etc. from new people who are new additions to my life and also from people who are now re-associated with me, and make me realize that “Duffer you have lost one more year of your life, so Enjoy MORE”

………. Sachin. 

An outing at Neelkantheshwar... non-stop fun

At 3.30am in the morning, in my sweetest of dreams and the deepest of sleeps , there is something ringing and my eyes open halfway to realize that its my cell and on display is the name of the prank master Mr. Sunny, what else can you expect from him, on receiving the call he is greeted with some sweet abuse from me and then I listen to him “ Sachya, the plan is preponed, we are starting at 5.30am as against 6.30am”  I again start abusing him, realizing that it’s a prank and we can never start at  5.30am even at eternity. Then he says “Tu parya la vichar, me yetoy 15 minitat tu tayaar rah” and then again with some abuse I end the conversation.

Then I call up Parya at 3.30am, this time luck stands by my side and he picks up my phone to realize, that the phone was under his tummy and it vibrated for him to realize it and pick it up. “Parya, plan prepone zala ka re,” “Koni sangitle tula” “Arre sunya mhantla” “Sachya, tu pan tyachyavar vishwash thevto na” I realize it’s a prank and then got back to sleep. Having nothing to say to sunya, I again try to sleep, but how can anyone sleep if you are bothered at 3.30 am. Trying to sleep, the phone again rings at 3.45, “where are you”, I know what to say, “I say I am waiting for you, just comin in 10 min is the reply, I am just close to your house”, I know this guy since some time and even if he is out of India, he would say that I am just 10 min away from your place. Then he lands up finally at my house at around 4.45am, and only after seeing him below my house, I brush up and come down. It’s as if a famous comedian says “Someone’s gonna get a beating very bad”, having the same idea I march into him and that rascal starts laughing… What else you forget all your misery and you too start giving a smile…

He then carries me on his bulldozer “The Bullet” and we move to camp to have tea, coz it’s too early to get tea at normal hangouts, we have a fun ride from my house to the tea stall and it’s like the beginning of the laughing day. We land at the hotel and order for tea and I cannot resist the bun maska, and sunya orders for the khari. I was damn sure that he must have done the same thing to many others, and to find out that it was only kavita who fell for his prey. That girl stays awake for 3.30 and this babu, says he is just around her house and about to pick her. After some time she too realizes about the Shani ( Sunny).

After having tea we decide to launch ourselves at the house of our dark friend, Mr Farhan, “Chal kale ko uthathe hai”, We call him, the phone rings twice and then it is switched off. So we decide farhan now deserves something, but I don’t know his house, “Mere ko toh kidhar pata hai, sirf building malum hai, chal toh sahi” we land up at his society, 3-4 buildings side by side, we start laughing. “ Ye kalya ka Ghar, kausnsa hai” , arre wo last building hogi, usne ek baar bataya tha. We enter into the building and then try to find out the name list

“ 1^st floor – Ibrahim Sayyed

2^nd floor – Kaushal Patel

3^rd floor – Shaukat Sayyed

….

Amazed we start betting, saale ye farhan ke baap ka naam kya hai, and then we imagine a lot of stuff, and that gets us into non-stop laughter for like 15min, we just look at each other and start laughing… My god,,, that was as if two people from a mental hospital were laughing, without any reason. That was real fun.

Then we decide to conclude that farhan was born from one of the dark sperms of Mr Ibrahim Sayyed and we decide to knock that door. Still laughing till we reach the door, and then we decide to shut up and knock, a lady opens the door , half sleepy and worried about who the hell is disturbing us early morning, we ask “ Aunty, Farhan chaiye”, she asks in a low tone “ Tum kaun”, I wish to say hum uske baap, but then control and say “ Hum uske dost” she leaves to call farhan, by that time we come out of the building and wait for him.

Farhan arrives, maybe he must be thinking who the hell is there, kahi police to nahi …

then he sees us , and blows off saying “ Sunyaaaaaaaaaaa”.  We were back facing, and turn to see farhan , White shirt without sleeves, a black short, and a beautiful black face, as if a stand up comedian, who achieved his mission to get people to laugh, on his very entry. We again start our uncontrollable laugh, and get back on earth after about 5min, to listen to farhan, Before he even says something, we command

“ Kapde pehin lagech, apun ko jana hai”

“ Arre mein ata na, mere ko kaam hai thoda”

The instance at which farhan says kaam, we again start laughing on top of our voice.

We have a laughter session with him for a while and then relieve him to get ready by 7.30am.

“ tu nahi aaya , to tera kaam ich”  and we leave

Sunny drops me at my house and he decides to pick me up at 7am, also in the mean time, we decide to call up our short and lawful Advocate, Sagar Agarwal, we call him at around 5 am and tell him to get ready within 15min, Bichara sagar is full fledged done and waiting for someone to pick him up at 5.30 itself. If at any point he had realized that we were playin a prank on him, that too so early in the morning, I am sure we were in for a booking at Yerwada Jail, for atleast a few days. So he calls me at 7am and I tell him to drop in at my house. He lands up at my house to see me not yet ready, and just about to brush my teeth.

“ Sachin, tere ko mein hich mila tha kya “ tryin to control my laughter I say

“ Arre mein abhi vapas aaya, abhi tak koi bhi ready nahi hai, isliye vapas aa gaye” he agrees and tries to forgive me only after I allow him to go to the washroom….

So, finally I get ready and in the mean time call up Mr Rakesh, to check where he is, coz we were already late as per our schedule.­ He does not receive my call.. We believe he is out! Then I get ready.

Coming out of the shower, I see a missed call on my cell, to reveal it back its Rakesh, my joy threefolds, to expect Rakesh at the outing, I call him back even without putting on my clothes.

“ Arre kidhar hai tum log, mein kab se ruka hoon”  is the voice from the other side.

“ Rakesh Bhai, bas aa raha hoon, pari aur kavita toh udhar hi hai “ is my reply.

“ Arre wo log toh abhi ghar pe hi hai, abhi phone kiya tha”

I say, I am coming and hang up the phone, I and sagar drive to Vahuman, our meeting place to see Mr Rakesh awaiting us in disguise, slowly arrive kavita, parikshit and finally sunny.

The saat janmoki dusmani flourishes, and rakesh boils over seeing Sunny and we cannot control ourselves to realize that we are into some really fun today, But our hopes are shattered very soon, I toh was already overdosed with my laugh share in the first session itself and then these two have a pity quarrel for us to realize that Rakesh is not there for the outing, I feel severe pain, even more than a break up from my girlfriend to see Rakesh going home again. Excuse me, don’t in your wildest of dreams think of this as some gay stuff or similar sort, it’s like we would be missing someone wanted (coz he is always the newsmaker J ). So now we are like only me, sunny, pari, kavita, sagar.

So what do we do now??? Amruta was not available, as she had already told us, Kalya had ditched and for Bhavana, we had like called her for so many times, like the miss call list might surely have been into 3 digits, and it was maybe like her Nokia  phone device and its programming were about to crash, in a while.

So all decide to go in whatever strength we have, but then I rise in rebel, taking the advantage of atleast one female present with us, we decide to surround Bhavana’s house from all sides and get her out. So pari and I travel along with Kavita to her house to look out for her, and to our surprise the emerging model is sleeping at around 9 am, like the world has come to an end. Kavita knocks at her house and pari and me wait downstairs. She gets up in a shock to check the clock

“ O shit, Sorry Sorry arre I did not wake up “ you can realize her expression at this point.

then we ask her to get ready and by the time we decide to have our breakfast at Lalit Mahal, which was not in my knowledge even though I stayed at Rasta Peth.

Parallely, sunny and sagar are waiting for us at Kasba Peth, and then they see something, guess what its Farooq going to his MBA class on his bike, sunny runs at him in the middle of the road, and asks him to wait, Farooq schoked in surprise puts in all his strength on the brakes to get his bike to an immediate halt. Farooq now cannot do anything but join us, so we now have one more addition and this outing was sure to rock!

We were kept unaware of this news, and we were now concerned how to carry bhavana as we were short of bikes, and then we get a call from sunny to find out that we now have a additional bike and he keeps us in darkness about who has joined us, but nevertheless our problem is solved of an additional bike.

Bhavana arrives and starts apologizing, pari and me as if the greatess forgivers of all time, don’t say much and we all move ahead to see our new addition and we really cant believe it, Farooq with us for an outing …..  Wow!! He had missed the previous 2 weekend outing and this was his first one with us… We wished to make it as special as possible for him. We decide to collect Mr. Sundar ( Bhavana’s boyfriend) from his house on the way.

So then we arrived at J. M Road, to great the person of the day - Pari’s Girlfriend, who is overwhelmed to see us waiting for her and to welcome and greet her for the first time. All heads stand straight to see a new member into our circle and we all decide to stay as civilized as possible in front of the new member. We then travel to sundar’s house and then wait for about an hour for him to get ready, and in that course of time have a laughter session on the road, waiting for sundar,

Neelam the new girl enjoys the laughter session and she is now free and now opening up and getting involved into the gang, and expects more from us during the day. The target at this session is as you can imagine Bhavana , but she takes it sportingly, as is expected from her.

So finally its Pari, Neelam ( Pari’s Girlfriend), Bhavana, Sundar ( Bhavana’s BF), kavita, Farooq, sunny, sagar and ME, surely a big team to ride on at around 11.30 am, and then begins our journey to our destination, Neelkantheswar, delayed by almost 4 hours  ….. but still with full enthusiasm and zeal.

A journey which was a memorable one for a lifetime for Sagar for his half way return to home, for pari for his lost mobile, for pari’s girlfriend for a new set of wonderful and amazing people, for Bhavana as a special one in all respects, for sundar as a one to penetrate deep into each one of us, for kavita as a one to speak her heart out, for Rakesh as the worst one in spite of his absence, for farhan as a golden opportunity missed , for amruta as a special day in finding her soulmate, for sunny as a fun ride, and for Me as a memorable feather added into one of the many wonderful moments of my life, and surely to say a day full of never before seen laughter, fun, enjoyment, pleasure and utmost satisfaction for everyone present there.

……….. Sachin